A Living Death

You are just an empty cage, if you kill the bird.

Tori Amos

There are things inside me, that have long died. There will be no way to heal these brutal wounds. The scar tissue is far too deep on open wounds to make the healing medicine.

It is winter, and some souls feel crushed at the bitter cold, and the long nights. They have, so they think, endured too many cruel winters for the strength to endure yet another winter. What people don’t realize, some people have never seen the spring, or summer. It has been one endless night, in a storm, and bitter cold.

They don’t seem to care, or understand. I feel its a problem with society these days. People, they don’t care like they once did. Neglect and indifference seem to be people’s main solution to any problem you can have. They will ghost you, pretend that you don’t exist, and then have the nerve to blame you for being the one who is a jerk.

There is need for balance in all things. People need to understand, and be kind. Much can be solved though being kind and compassionate. Seems, this world lacks any kind of natural affection. As though, its a weakness. However, there is something you need to know. When love and kindness become luxury goods, no one will be able to live in this world. We want to avoid that. Really!!

The parts of me that have died, likely won’t come back. I used to have a real love for the human race. I liked everyone. At this point, that is gone. The way society has become, is a sore on the amputated leg of a cat. It is that bad.

Wanted love and kindness. Wanted affection, and warmth. The shallow, and mindless have destroyed the hopes of a life with meaning and purpose. They hate people with true depth, that are real. The fake, don’t want anyone to be thinking. They say, thought is absurd, just be mindless sacks of shit.

The parts of me that live, believe in fighting this war. Life is meant to be lived, and I’ve seen twenty years of winter, I’ve seen long nights in the cold, a barren wasteland of broken hope, and destroyed faith. The way things are, the parts of me that have died, are going to end. I wanted my life better, I wanted hope and change. The way things are, I could not change my life, not to save my life. And the parts of me that have died, no longer care.

They want warm sacks of poo. They have suffocated the life out of me. The parts of me that have died, no longer care. They won’t listen, they don’t think, and they don’t want to talk about it. Pity, we could have solved these problems. These things, could have been fixed in whole. Seems, they didn’t want a solution, they only wanted to cause hurt, shame, and guilt.

You reap what you sow. I hope they can live with themselves, when harvest comes to bear fruit. I hope they have something they can really sink their teeth into, and feel better.

Something inside me has died. No one cared. They didn’t see the signs, and they ignored the warnings. They couldn’t be bothered with such things. Really, I wasn’t special enough for them to care. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What some people think is junk, is someone else’s treasure.

I’ve given up on the human race as a whole. There has been no love in my life, for an extremely long time. How does this happen? You would think, someone would have cared?

What was the cause? Neglect, and indifference. Those two weapons do more harm than outright dislike. They suffocated the life out of me. Parts of me, have died. Maybe, it was the isolation? Maybe, it was the stonewalling, silent treatment, and gas lighting? Either way, the damage has been done.

There is need to heal these brutal wounds. At this point, it won’t be healed. Something inside me, has died. The parts of me that still care, have been shut off. They didn’t listen, they didn’t think, they didn’t read. They have ears, but they fail to hear. They have eyes, yet they fail to understand.

Wanted my life to be better than this. The isolation has destroyed me. Something inside me, has died. Pity they didn’t care, and wouldn’t bother to make it better. They don’t want solutions, they want to be right.

They don’t want to fix what is wrong, they want to be right. Their ego, it seems is making the rules, and they care nothing about anyone. Something inside me, has died. They wanted to be right, and disregarded everything else.
I hope they feel better.